- INDEPENDENT - Nov 20, 2020 -
Biden’s communist child weapons hacked into voting machines made by Hugo Chavez and changed the election results for China. It’s simple, really
Another day, another Rudy Giuliani conference — and though this one wasn’t sandwiched between a crematorium and an adult bookstore, it didn’t disappoint in terms of complete and utter farcical madness.
Backgrounded by three American flags and sweating harder than a turkey at Thanksgiving, Rudy took the stage to announce the next twist in the bizarre defense of Donald J Trump: it was all a commie plot from Venezuela. “We use a Venezuelan voting machine to count our votes,” he said. “If we let this happen, we’re gonna become Venezuelan.”
In Michigan, trucks pulled up full of trashcans filled with ballots in the dead of night, he added. Of course, the polling station wasn’t fully deserted, because it was election night; happily, it was staffed with witnesses who came forward to tell Team Trump it had happened. Who are the witnesses? Well, he can’t say, because if we were allowed to know who they are then they would no doubt be subject to “targeted hatred” from Democrats. You’ll just have to take Rudy’s solid-gold word for it, and the word of one of the only lawyers who hasn’t recently quit the Trump team. But those other lawyers only quit “because they were being harassed” anyway, and that’s the media’s fault.
It was at this point that eagle-eyed viewers may have noticed Rudy’s hair dye begin to leak down the side of his face.
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